Not Really Spirited Away
by Nalurah
Summary: An insane parody on the movie Spirited Away. Chihiro is a devillish girl who has a whole bag of weapons... Not really suited for the younger ones, lots of talking about murder, taking over the world and icecream!
1. Lame title thingy

**Not Really Spirited Away**

**Ok so this is my bizarre, crazy, weird version of Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away. I sure hope you have a sense of humor and no you may not kill me for completely screwing up the story! Just a warning for all the younger ones among us, a lot of mentioning of murder, taking over the world and ice-cream!  
Have fun reading!**_

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**_Offending Reason_**

_Chihiro, Good luck- Till we meet again!_

Stupid lines on some lame card and flowers, I finally decided to leave them alone, stop the torturing, ok so I had to move because my parents bought a new house and since I'm a minor I can't live on my own. Damn that law, I never comes in handy when I'm planning to torture innocent people. Ah well... guess I'll just have to take over the world, so I can do whatever I want and the first thing I'll do is eat ice-cream! Why? I have no idea, I just like ice-cream but that is not the point. Wait maybe I should first wait untill the car stops before I start my taking over the world and eating ice-cream plans since jumping out of a driving car somehow doesn't seem like a good idea...

"Chihiro?" My mother's voice from in front of me, she always knows when to interrupt me, damn she's good... And I was just lounging on the back seats, those grown up people really know how to annoy people, especially me! "Chihiro, we're almost there." Yay... yippie... hear my enthusiasm... you can't hear it? No, me neither... damn that sure sucks. Ah well, look outside, all those birds cheerping, all the flowers and the trees and the... Oh please give me a barfbag! What is this place? Neverland?!

All of the sudden Peter Pan jumped out of the forest, yelling: "I'll get you this time, Hook!"

"You offend reason, sir! And I would gladly offend it with you!" Ok so after that I grabbed my dearest flamethrower and burned down Neverland, including all those bunnies... Maybe I should get a hobby or something?

Oh great now my dearest mother wants to bug me again and I was only burning down everything we were passing, I really don't see the problem! Yay now she begins her rant about this place being in the country and that we would have to go shopping in the next city... Ghee you think?!

Oh great, now my dad begins to talk as well, these people must really look up the word silence, or atleast private time or something like that... maybe I should use my flamethrower on them... damn then I would get in trouble with that stupid law again. So now I'm just staring at the flowers with the almighty lame card, while my dad is ranting about the Bay Area being the only place they could get. Damn I'm bored... has anyone got some ducktape? Maybe that'll shut him up... I doubt it actually but it's worth a try, don't you think?

Since no one here has some ducktape, the ranting continues, yippie... again hear my enthusiasm. No I still don't hear it either... Maybe I should check my ears?

"Look, that's the elementary school." Wow... my mother says something again, I guess they both just want to bug me untill I die, or kill them...

"Chihiro, that's your new school." Ok never mind the ranting parents! I smell fresh meat! Now where did I put my weaponbag, they say the first impression is the most important!

Wait, I don't have to go to school for another week... Damn, there go my plans for this week. Maybe I should just start practising on the stupid flowers, wait it has no use, they are already drying out. Damn I wanted fresh ones, they give such a lovely disgusting smell when you burn them! Maybe if I act like a big baby my mom might get me some new flowers, which will be perfect burning victums, ok I agree toddlers are better but do you see any toddlers around here? "No! Nooooo! Mom, the flowers are drying out!" Wow, look at me acting like a pathetic little girl. I'm a great actress I know, maybe I should move to Hollywood instead of this lame town.

"When we get home, just put them in some water. They should be fine." Damn those parents have an excuse for everything, don't you just hate that? But this ain't over yet, I just started with my pathetic little girl act!

"The first bouquet of flowers I've ever gotten. It's too bad they were a going-away gift..." Wow, look at my sobs, now she must believe me and get me new flowers or else my dearest flamethrower would like to have a word with her. Ok so they weren't really a going-away gift, those stupid children of my former school and the teacher were just scared shitless, not that I cared or anything, I just laughed at their faces... What do you mean I'm mental? Did you ever look in the mirror?! Right! Didn't think so!

"Hmm? You got a flower on your last birthday." Damn she really is good, she even ignored my sobs, maybe I should let her meet mister flamethrower, though somehow I think the law gets in the way again. Ok so on my to do list I have to first take over the world, then eat ice-cream and then let my mother meet mister flamethrower. Jup that's all!

"Just one, and I wouldn't exactly call that a bouquet." I'm so not letting my mother win, that lame flower I got for my birthday burned away in five seconds! And it was just some lame yellow rose I got from my grandmother, haven't seen her in ages... maybe she's dead? Ah well... saves me the buying of a birthday present for her.

"Here, your card fell out. I'll open the window, so please just sit still. We'll be very busy today." Never gotten into you that I wanted the lame card to fall out... No? Damn you're stupid. And why should I sit still, it's not my problem that you're very busy today, you wanted to move!

Wow ain't it interesting, we actually get the title now, for some reason this story is called Spirited Away--- The mysterious disappearance of Sen and Chihiro. Wow so that means that I'm going to disappear... cool! Though why the spirited away, can't really say that I am, ok so the story is getting a new title. The story from now on is going to be called Not Really Spirited Away!

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**Gonna keep it to short chapters cuz this story is just something I'll be working on when I'm an extremely weird mood. I actually found the script of Spirited Away on the internet so the dialogues are correct, only the thoughts of Chihiro are slightly different, ah well nobody would notice that!**


	2. Yay

Fear the evilness of this chapter! Fear my evilness! Fear me! Muahahah! What do you mean I'm mental?

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**_YAY!_**

"What? Did I take a wrong turn?" Ghee... dad sure is the smartest today, so now I'm all sitting in the backseat being annoyed because the car doesn't stop shaking because of soon-to-be-dead bumps in the road and yes people I feel like a freaking milkshake!

"That's weird..." Ghee... mom sure is smart as well today. Hey you two aliens who are supposed to be my parents or something, the lame house is up there!

"Look, I think it's over there..." No really, dad! You baka! Now go and turn this car around and drive up to the house so I can start my take over the world and eat ice cream plans! Or maybe you want to meet mr. Flamethrower... No, didn't think so! Now go freaking turn that car!

"Huh?" Wow mom... brilliant comment there, where did you learn to use such beautiful words, it's just touching... It's almost making me sick to be exact.

"The blue house on the corner." Blue? You painted it blue? No freaking way! I wanted a yellow house! Yellow is my color, the color of hate, so give me a freaking yellow house or feel the consequences and my evil weaponbag of doom. (A/N: Claim that!) "Yeah that's it..." Wow you keep getting smarter and smarter dad, maybe one day you'll no longer be a retard... Nah!

"We're one road down." No shit sherlock... Really didn't notice that one.

"Can we get to our house this way?" No, of course not but do you guys ever listen to me? Thought so... Maybe I should just act like an innocent, slightly retarded little girl again and start protesting, maybe they'll listen to me. "No way! We always get lost like this..."

"Just a little while longer, ok?" No but do you ever listen to me? Guess not, since you are still taking that road, I just know that we're going some place weird, probably with goasts and all and weird frogs who talk, etc.

Yay... So now I'm riding over some lame forest road, again cursing the soon-to-be-dead bumps...yay... Maybe I can get rid of my boredness, which you lame mortals caused by staring out of the window... yay... Wow, we have green trees, we have green grass, we have lame (you thought I wanted to say green didn't you?) flowers and we have a mister flamethrower who is just dying to burn it all... yay...Ooh I'm exited... yay...I can see very interesting piles of rocks which look like lame houses of dwarfs maybe...yay... I wonder where snowwhite is? So I can burn that white skin of hers...yay... Maybe I should act all innocent, those mortals seem to love it...yay..."What were those piles of rocks that looked like houses?"...yay... I'm sooooo interested...yay... hear my enthusiasm...yay... "Rock temples, they're the Gods' houses"...yay... mom's finally answering... though those houses are way too small for me, for I am GOD!...yay...

Maybe that other foolish mortal will listen to me, or else I'll send him to the shadowrealm...wait wrong show! Fine I'll send you to the spiritworld... wait you're already going in that direction! Lame mortals!...yay... "Dad, are you sure you know the way?" Foolish mortal, obey me!...yay...

"Leave it to me!" Yes of course, leave it to a mortal...yay... You would even get a god like me killed...yay... Or like in this story, lost in some lame spirit world...yay... How I know that? Again I AM GOD!...yay...

"Chihiro, sit down." Foolish mother person, how dare you command me, I'm your god, you should obey me! ...yay... All together now...YAY!... "Honey, stop fooling around!" How dare you foolish mortals command me! Fear my shadowpowers! Muahahahaha! Wait... wrong show again! Damn that LittleKuriboh! ...yay... I'll send your souls to the spiritworld where you'll have to work for some weird granny named Yubaba...which sounds like a weird name...yay..."A tunnel!" No shit sherlock...yay...Yes this is very interesting...yay...Hear my enthusiasm..."What is this building?" Well actually it's the entrance to the spiritworld but since you are to lame to believe me, you must think that this is an old theme park... yay... Now you foolish mortals just have to walk through the tunnel and then you'll become my mind slaves! Muahahahahahah!

"It looks like an entrance..." No shit... Really didn't see that! You stupid mortals, walk through the tunnel and enter my world, the world where you have to obey me... yay... though you might know it as hell!...Yay!

All together now...YAY!!!

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In like, see you next chapter...yay... 


	3. Note to self

Boo fear me! I'm back!

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**Note to self!**

Damn those mortals for not obeying me! The evil father person stepped out of the car to look into the tunnel, but what does it matter anyway, he'll be my mind slave soon! So fear me and my seemingly ineffectual weaponbag of doom! (A/N: I claim that!) But now the evil mother person is acting all worried, it's disgusting. "Honey" Yes evil mother person, why not call him honeybear while you're at it, but don't start complaining when I puke! "Let's go back... honey!" Hello?! Are you deaf? Stop saying honey, it's making me sick. When I'm ruler of the planet I will ban that word and all the other disgusting word. Ok note to self, make a list of that.

Oh great now mother person enters the tunnel as well... Seriously why are those people my parents, they are so stupid, I can't be related to them... Maybe I'm adopted... But then who are my real parents? Ok note to self, find out who real parents are.

Oooh look at the pretty little tunnel, it's so small and dark and long and did I mention dark? Hello I could use some light here! How am I suppose to take of the planet in the dark? Thank god I saw Shrek 2 just recently and they had a really fun way of torturing pixies and lightening the area. Now where did I put that little brat. Oh there it is. Yes people fear my little pixie on a string, it can fly, talk and it enlightens the area. Even though this pixie is very annoying, her name is Leila and she claims to be the pixie princess... Yes I know, I already looked for a pixie asylum but it doesn't exist... Note to self build pixie asylum.

"You evil little brat, let me go now! I'm the almighty pixie princess and I have evil pink powers so fear me!" Damn her voice is annoying, note to self kill her annoying high pitched voice. "If you have evil pink powers, then why don't they effect me except for maybe making me sick? 'Sides aren't pixies supposed to be loving creatures who don't harm anyone, so what were you planning to do?"

"Screw the rules, I'm pink!" Note to self, really kill that annoying voice of her, wait I can just as well kill her while I'm at it. "Yes I've already noticed that you're pink, you're already making me sick. And I don't know what you do with the rules, but when you screw them I seriously don't wanna know, I thought the lemony things would be later when I meet my so called prince charming. Wait let me check this in the script... Yup lemony things are for later. Go read the script!"

"I'm too pink for a script! But can you hurry up, I can see the end of the tunnel and I want to go to the store, I want to buy that pink mini dress I saw. It's so cute and..." Yeah ok so I knocked her out, you would do exactly the same, god that pixie can rant!

Now let's move on to the oh so interesting father and mother person, yes fear them they're evil. Ok so I'm way more evil, who cares about that anyway? ... What? Did I hear someone say 'I do'? So you care about me being evil. "Yes I think you shouldn't be that evil, it's not like you, you're supposed to be a sweet, innocent little girl." Ooh look at my eyes rolling, very interesting... "You're supposed to be a quiet reader, damn I guess nobody read the script..." But anyway, I don't like people who bother me. Reader meet mr. Flamethrower! Muahahahaah Die, you evil undead freak! Anyone else wanting to meet mr. Flamethrower? No? Didn't think so!

"Chihiro..." Oh look evil mother person is calling again, maybe I should act like an innocent little girl again and glomp her, maybe she'll trip! Muahahaha! "Chihiro don't cling to me like that, it's hard to walk." Duh... I want you to trip... Fear me and my evil plans, doom is upon you! Muahahahahahahahaahahaha! Ok note to self, work on that evil laugh.

Oh look the annoying pixie is waking up again, yay... hear my enthusiasm. "Hello there annoying, I have good news and bad news. The good news is we're at the end of the tunnel, the bad news is, I don't need you anymore, meet mr. Flamethrower! Muahahahahahahah!"

"Where are we?" Ooh father person is lost, ghee, how could that happen? Ok let me make a list of that!

We're in the spirit world, it has lots of ghost, it's in no way scary, rather weird.

You'll think that this place is a theme park, yes I agree, you're stupid.

You'll turn into pigs here, I agree, extreme makeover did a very good job there.

This is the place where I meet my prince charming.

This is the place where evil witches have huge babies about trice their size.

I could continue this for houres but yeah, I'm lazy.

People, fear me, for I shall return in the next chapter! Muahahahahhahahahahahahaahhaahhaaha!

Note to self, really work on that evil laugh!


End file.
